Hogwarts Room of Records
by Wilting Rose 08
Summary: One night while running from Filch, Harry, Ron, and Hermione stumble across a very...interesting room. One that can show them...ha, you think I'm going to tell you? You'll have to read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything in this story. It's JKR's. Well, I own the plot (except for a few which are almost completely not mine), the room, and the surveillance equipment used to film the records, so BEWARE! Actually, now that I think about it, I don't own all those wonderful things. I co-own them. My sister and I layed the ground work for this, so I own HALF of everything I said I owned. Hmph.

Author's Note: As I said above, I share this with my sister. We actually have a pretty long plan for this, but whether or not it'll ever all get written, I have no idea. Hope you enjoy, there is absolutely NOTHING serious about this story! Aren't you glad? hehe. Anyway, presenting now to you...

Hogwarts Room of Records

Discovery of a Few Lifetimes

"We've got to hide from Filch!" Hermione exclaimed, dashing into a dungeon hallway. Ron and Harry quickly followed. Hermione spied a solitary door at the end of the hallway, which fortunately was unlocked. She burst in, followed by Harry and Ron. They heard Filch thunder by, clearly not noticing the room.

"Where are we at?" Ron asked.

"The dungeons," Harry replied, slapping Ron on the forehead. Ron shot him a dirty look. Harry was about to say something more, when Hermione stopped him.

"I've heard of this room, but it's supposed to only be a legend!" Hermione shrieked with happiness.

"That's nice, 'Mione," Ron said, glaring at Harry.

"Don't you realize where we're at?" Hermione asked, amazed.

"Yeah, THE DUNGEONS!" Harry exclaimed.

"No, Harry," Hermione said impatiently.

"Yes, Hermione," Harry countered. "The sub-levels of this school, where we are currently located, just happen to be called DUNGEONS! Would you like me to spell it?"

"Wait, I would!" Ron said, frantically looking for something. He pulled a small book and quill out of his robes, looking triumphant. "I was trying to write in my diary about Snape's class, in the dungeons, but forgot how to spell it!"

Hermione ignored him. "We're in the Room of Records!"

"That's fine," Harry said. "As long as one of you will admit these are also the dungeons! Wait," He glanced at Ron. "What's the Room of Records?"

"It's only one of the most protected rooms in the entire castle! Do you know how honored I feel to be able to be in here?" Hermione said dreamily.

"You know, I'm glad you always explain yourself so well," Ron said, rolling his eyes. "It really helps when you're talking about stuff we've never heard of."

"Well, if you would read Hogwarts, A History," Hermione said, exasperated.

"Why would we want to do that?" Harry asked. "It saves time if we just ask you. That way, we can go play quidditch, while you read. When we have a question, we can come to you instead of the library!" Seeing the look of anger on Hermione's face, he added, "Especially since you're so much nicer!" Hermione smirked.

"Thank you, Harry," she said, sarcastically. "Being told I'm nicer than a bunch of dusty old books has just made my day!" She rolled her eyes.

"Your welcome," Harry said, missing the sarcasm. Hermione punched him in the arm.

While he was whimpering, she explained the room. "Everything that has ever happened in a magical establishment is recorded right here in this room. We can look at any of them. Well, anything before 1910 on, because before that, there were no magical surveillance systems. We can look at all kinds of history!"

Ron and Harry finally looked around. The room was full of what looked like muggle file cabinets. There were some file folders sitting on top. A screen, like what comes with projectors, hung on the back wall.

"How does this work?" Ron asked Hermione.

"How should I know?" Hermione retorted.

"You are the one who has read Hogwarts, A History half a million times," Harry pointed out.

"…Oh," Hermione said blankly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Let's just pick one." He picked up a folder from the file cabinet labeled '1995.' He opened the folders, and saw what looked like a bunch of shrunken CD's. "How are these supposed to work?"

"Oh honestly," Hermione said, grabbing the folder and picking a shrunken CD-like thing up at random. "These are called DVD's. They're really becoming popular in the muggle world. I bet in a few years, movies won't even be released on VHS anymore. You just return it to regular size, and put it in the DVD player." She did, and a very…disturbing image came up on the screen.

It was one from Hagrid's cabin, only he wasn't alone. Madame Maxine was there, and they weren't exactly behaving platonically.

"Ew!" Ron exclaimed. He was about to 'Scourgify his eyes, but Harry stopped him.

"That will make you blind, dude," Harry pointed out. "Do you want the last images you ever see to be _that_?" Ron paled, and dropped his wand on the floor.

"Oh, look," Hermione said, pointing to a different file cabinet, labeled '1976.' Luckily, she had enough sense to turn off the DVD player that was acting as a projector. "Harry, this would be about the time your parents were in school!"

Harry and Ron instantly stopped fighting about the possibilities of using the cleaning spell as a weapon and came over to look. "Wow!" Harry exclaimed, and he reached in to grab a folder, not checking what it was labeled. Unfortunately, it was one for 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Let's watch!" Ron exclaimed, un-shrinking a disc and putting it in, although not without problems. The trio sat down to watch as the movie began…

TBC

Author's Note: You've read, now review! It'll make our day!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR owns what you recognize. My sister and I own the idea. I think I have to claim the way it was written.

Author's Note: Bet you thought this would never continue, huh? hehe. Well, I wouldn't do that, but I seem to have to be in an...odd mood to be able to write this. For example, the first chapter was written at my grandpa's house, while my sister and I were on a sugar high. This one was written, mostly, after midnight on a school night. Ah well, whatcha gonna do. Here it is, the long awaited (yeah right)...

Hogwarts Room of Records

Summer Break

Sirius was bored. And when he got bored, he got destructive. After he had managed to "accidentally" break quite a few galleons worth of merchandise in Diagon Alley, his parents sent him home, to the applause of every shopkeeper along the street.

"12 Grimmauld Place," Sirius said, stepping into the floo at the Leaky Cauldron. He was glad he got to leave. How he could explore the muggle area around his house. He had never even got to go to a muggle grocery store, as such places were "beneath" his parents, who had house elves purchase their groceries at the store in Diagon Alley, where everything was charmed with preservation charms. He had been allowed in Knockturn Alley for as long as he could remember, but never anywhere remotely muggle. His parents didn't even like to linger long in the Leaky Cauldron, as if afraid that a muggle would accidentally stumble in.

He stepped out into the drawing room, and stopped to listen for the house elves. Hearing none, he continued down the stairs, stopping to listen again. He still heard nothing. He snuck out the door, and walked down the road.

He explored for as long as he dared. As he was going back, he decided that he had to have _something_ muggle. He sauntered over to a nearby shop, trying to hide his excitement and confusion.

"Is that all?" the clerk asked as Sirius laid a bottle of soda on the counter. Sirius nodded, and paid the man in the muggle money that Remus had given him.

Sirius continued back to his house, clutching the bottle in his hand. He just had time to stash in it his room before the rest of the Blacks got home.

Out on the street, something odd was happening.

* * *

Mrs. Edwards, longtime occupant of 11 Grimmauld Place, was looking out the window. Being confined to a wheelchair for quite a few years, not to mention living alone, for the most part, she did this quite often. She had never noticed anything odd about the space between 11 and 13 Grimmauld Place, except that there wasn't a 12 Grimmauld Place. Today, however, that would change.

As she had watched, she saw what seemed to be a teenage boy appear out of thin air. Now, normally, she would just assume she was seeing things. After all, a teenage boy couldn't appear out of thin air and just hover above the ground. Right?

She dismissed him as a figment of her imagination. At the very least, she decided, he had come through the space in between the houses, and it was a trick of the light that he appeared to be floating. That is, until he came back. This time, she watched closely. He seemed to be rising in the air. Almost as if he was…no. He couldn't be. Could he? It looked like he was going up invisible steps.

She shook herself out of the daze when she heard a knock on the door. "Com in!" she called. Her daughter and her family walked into the house.

"Gran, why didn't you _tell_ me you had such a cute neighbor?" her fourteen-year-old granddaughter asked.

"I didn't know," her grandmother responded, gaze fixed on the spot where the boy had disappeared. She did, however, catch the knowing look that passed between her daughter and son-in-law. They thought she was insane! Well, if she was insane, so was their daughter. Somehow, however, she didn't think they would appreciate that being pointed out. Suddenly, however, something happened that made them all stare. And it wasn't only the people inside 11 Grimmauld Place that noticed. It was the people in 13 Grimmauld Place, and the people simply walking by the spot where number 12 should be.

There, floating about where the second story would be, was a bottle of soda. It just sat…floated there, not moving at all. It didn't rise, or fall, or move left or right. It simply sat there. This continued for about five minutes, in which people had stopped staring, and were starting to uneasily shake it off. Then, however, the bottle moved.

It was as if someone had picked it up. The bottle moved back and forth in a straight line, as if whoever had picked it up was pacing.

* * *

Poor Sirius had a dilemma, and he didn't even know about the stir he was causing on the street. One of the house elves had spotted him coming in. And, of course, it just had to be Kreacher. Not only would he get in trouble for having a muggle object, he would be in trouble for having muggle money to buy it, and especially for leaving the house. He stared at the bottle, which he had set on his bedside table as soon as he reached his room, as if looking for an answer to all his questions. He picked it up, and started pacing. He heard someone floo into the house.

Acting purely on instinct, he nearly ran to the nearest window, threw it open, and hurled the bottle to the street below. The only thing he aimed for was that it didn't land directly in front of his window. The fact that it landed on the opposite side of the street was definitely a bonus. He closed the window quickly as he heard doors slam. Kreacher had told. His only hope was to play innocent. He prepared himself for a long battle.

* * *

People on the street watched in astonishment. A bottle of soda, the same one that had been floating in thin air, suddenly came hurtling towards them, as if thrown. It landed on the opposite side of the street, narrowly missing a young woman. It shattered, spilling the cola everywhere. They could _almost_ hear doors slamming, and could _almost_ hear shouting. Not at all eager to recall this day, they hurried off.

Poor Sirius got thoroughly yelled at, but, in the end, his father must have decided Kreacher had been lying, as nothing worse happened. All through London, people who had witnessed the flying bottle shivered, not daring to tell anyone what they had witnessed, lest they be called crazy. However, in twenty-one years, floating foodstuffs would become a common occurrence in that particular space. You see, the grocery store in Diagon Alley didn't do very good business, as there weren't enough people like the Blacks to keep them in business, and food had to be bought at muggle stores. No one ever figured out that the wards hiding the house refused to hide un-charmed objects.

* * *

"That was weird," Ron said, glancing at the now blank screen.

"No kidding," Hermione said. "Let's watch one from Hogwarts." She dug another folder out, this time carefully looking at the labels. "Here's one." She switched disks, and the show continued…

TBC

Author's Note: Well, was it worth the wait? I'm not incredibly happy with this chapter, but I'd really like to hear what you think about it. AKA please review. If you want a response to a question you ask in a review, please leave your e-mail address, as we're not allowed to answer reviews in author's notes anymore. Thanks for reading, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the very weird plot. I'm not giving my sister even partial ownership of this one, as she did nothing.

Author's Note: Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? As a Chri…Holi…ah, who cares. As a Christmas present to all of you, and a celebration of Christmas vacation for me, I'm trying to update all my stories before Christmas. Now lets just see if this works…here it is, the long awaited (yeah right)…

Hogwarts Room of Records

Chapter 3

Going Back

"Let's watch this one," Hermione said, holding up a reel from a folder labeled 'Hogwarts Express.'

"Sure, whatever," Ron said, taking the disk and putting it in the projector.

* * *

"Did you have a good summer?" Remus Lupin asked his best friends, Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew, as the Hogwarts Express pulled away from Kings Cross Station.

"Yeah, it was fine," Peter said. "How was yours? You went to the States, right?"

"Yup. You wouldn't believe one of the stupid things I heard," Remus said. "At one of the cafes we ate at, there was a group of teenage girls doing their summer homework. One of the girls actually said, 'Hey! I should call my aunt! She's from England, she should know this 1!' The other girls stared at her for a moment before bursting out laughing. I didn't get what was so funny until they started packing up, and I saw what they were studying."

"What were they studying?" Peter asked. "And were they muggle or magical?"

"They must have been muggle, because they were studying Grammar or English, as one of the girls called it," Remus said. James and Sirius found this quite amusing, although Peter was having a 'wait, what?' moment.

The four friends continued to chat about their summers. "Do you know what my cousin asked me?" Peter said at one point. "She was over at my house and she asked if dragons were real 2. Eleven years old, currently on the train to start Hogwarts, raised in the Wizarding World her entire life, and she wanted to know if dragons were real." They talked until the lady with the food cart came through.

"Aren't you getting anything, Moony?" Sirius asked when Remus didn't immediately jump up.

"Nah. I've had enough sweets for a while," Remus replied, taking out a roast beef sandwich.

"Ew! How can you eat that? Lunchmeat isn't supposed to be brown unless it's rotten!1" James exclaimed.

"I've had worse," Remus shrugged, taking a big bite out of his sandwich.

"Like what?" James asked in horror.

"Like dead pig."

"Ew!" James exclaimed again. "That's disgusting! That's-"

"James," Sirius cut him off. "He means pork chops.1"

"Oh."

"Wait a second," Peter said slowly. "Do you mean to tell me that pork comes from a pig3?" The other three Marauders stared at him for a moment before cracking up.

"I'm going to read my Transfiguration book," Remus stated, hoping to put an end to the mind-numbing conversation.

"Hand me mine, will you?" James asked as Remus stood up to rummage through his trunk.

"Yeah, mine too?" Sirius asked. Remus sighed but nodded anyway.

"Hey! Look at this!" Remus exclaimed once he had all three books in hand.

"What?" James asked, coming to look over Remus's shoulder.

"The books are different colors!"

"That's great," James said, rolling his eyes. "Can I have my book?"

"Oh. Wait," Remus said sheepishly. He grabbed the middle book, flipped it right side up, and then looked at them. "Maybe they aren't. Never mind.1"

"Oh my god," James laughed. "Moony, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"

"It must have rubbed off," Remus said, tossing Sirius his book and walking back to his seat. Peter rolled his eyes as he dug out a random book. It turned out to be one on geography.

"Wow," Peter said, flipping through the pages. "Did you know there's a country in Africa called Djibouti? And a mountain range in Asia called Hindu Kush? And there's also countries called Sri Lanka and Bangladesh there, too."

"Wow," Sirius said, glancing up, astonished. "You can almost make a sentence out of those!4" His eyes shown mischievously, and he opened his mouth, apparently to enlighten them with just what that sentence was, when Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Read," he ordered. Sirius, amazingly enough, did so, although not without quite a bit of grumbling. The next thirty minutes were spent in silence as each person became absorbed in their book or fell asleep.

"I knew you had to be in here," was the sneering voice Sirius woke up to. He opened his eyes to find Severus Snape standing in the doorway to the compartment. "I swear, you can feel the I.Q. level drop as you near this part of the train."

"Huh?" Sirius asked, brain still to fuzzy with sleep to be able to function.

"There's your sign," Snape said, rolling his eyes.

"Where1?" Peter asked, confused, glancing around.

"My point exactly," Snape sneered before apparently deciding that staying here longer wouldn't be worth the effort he would have to put forth.

"We're almost there," Remus said, glancing out the window and seeing the lights of Hogsmeade in the distance. "We should start getting dressed. Not much more was said until they reached the station.

"We need to go a little to the this way1," Remus said, seemingly picking a direction at random.

"'A little to the this way?'" James asked, amused. "Well, as long as you're positive…" They climbed into one of the waiting carriages and were soon seating themselves in the Great Hall. Quickly enough for a normal person but nowhere near quick enough for four teenage boys, the food appeared.

"Why do they call this chili mac5?" Sirius asked as he scooped some of the pasta onto his plate. "There's no chili in it."

"I don't know," James replied. "Why do they call it key lime pie? There's lime, and it's a pie, but there aren't any keys."

"Aren't you kind of glad there aren't shepherds in shepherd's pie, though?" Remus asked, spearing a lamb chop and putting it on his plate. "Now Peter, you know where lamb chops come from, right?"

"Of course I know where lamb chops come from6," Peter said indignantly. He stared intently at his plate before glancing up, looking horrified. "You mean people actually eat lamb?"

INSERT BREAK

"Wait, you mean people actually do?" Ron asked Hermione, looking extremely worried.

"Yes, Ron, but that's not important right now," Hermione said, flipping through the folders. "Ah, here we go. Hogwarts, 19761977."

* * *

Author's Note: All of the quotes with the superscripted numbers were actually said by people I know. It was inspired at our class party, when we were comparing the stupid things various people had said.

1-stupid remark without a need-to-know-to-understand follow-up story

2-asked from the other perspective, obviously, and not by an eleven-year-old, but by a fifteen-year-old, in science class. I believe there were questions about whether or not unicorns were real as well.

3-Some of you might not find this funny, but imagine if you lived in a small farm community, and the dad of the person who said it _raises_ pigs. This is another one from science class. You would honestly think we're all failing, wouldn't you? Hehe

4-I'm not meaning to be offensive to anyone. Just imagine how those sounded to a roomful of 10th graders who had never heard them before at 9:45 in the morning, especially when you've never heard some of them before.

5-another science story. Actually, the teacher started this one. If you've never had chili mac (which is one of our school lunches), it's elbow macaroni, ground beef, and seasonings.

6-follow-up to the pork story.

Thanks for reading, please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling

Author's Note: Ha! Inspiration finally struck! Here it is...

Hogwarts Room of Records

Those Don't Come Off Like That

The screen now showed the fifth-year Gryffindor boys dormitory. Of course, it was exactly like all the _other_ Gryffindor boys dormitories, and would have been like all Gryffindor dormitories except for the tall piles of sweaty, muddy, generally disgusting clothes that scared even the most zealous of house elves.

No, the only reason the Trio knew who belonged in that dormitory was because James Potter was sitting on his bed, reading something he Should Not Be Reading. That's right. He was reading muggle comics.

"That Jughead," he giggled. Suddenly, there was a disturbance from the bed next to his.

Sirius emerged from behind the closed curtains of his four-poster bed clad in only his briefs. That, in itself, was not an odd occurrence. He proceeded to walk to the middle of the dorm, where he shrieked, "HELLooooOOOO!" at the top of his voice, grinning widely.

What gave James true cause to look up, however, was when Sirius started doing a very crude version of the Robot. Suddenly, he scampered back behind the curtains of this bed. James shrugged it off, figuring it was just Sirius being, well, Sirius.

As James was approaching the halfway mark in his next comic book, Sirius emerged again, still clad only in briefs. He once again moved to the middle of the room, where he proceeded to squeal, "Me won the money! Me won the money!" while flapping his arms as if trying to fly. James' eyes widened, his jaw going slack with horror. Sirius, however, apparently didn't notice, as he pranced back to his bed, still pretending to fly.

It took James a bit longer to shrug the latest episode off. However, soon enough he was engrossed in his comics, giggling merrily. He only stopped to tell Remus, who had wandered through about twenty minutes after Sirius' second appearance, about the dance routine. Remus laughed before wandering out again.

However, nearly one hour and four comics later, Sirius decided he was a glutton for humiliation. Of course, James reflected, he _had_ had _way_ more caffeine than usual, and that _does_ tend to do things to a person.

Sirius strutted to the middle of the room, clad in no more than he had been the previous two times. This time, he started rubbing his hands up and down his chest. He continued for a few moments, fidgeting around to a beat only he could hear before starting back to his bed. Halfway there, however, he seemed to change his mind and ran back, bending over and spanking himself, apparently unaware of the horrified look he was getting, or, really, that he had an audience at all. Dancing around one of the piles of clothes, he stopped suddenly, yanking up on the leg holes of his briefs. If James hadn't been innately aware that something like this could happen, he would have gotten quite an eyeful.

Sheepishly, Sirius lowered his hands, saying, "They don't come off like that," before hurrying back to his four-poster. James, deciding not to risk anymore of his sanity at 1:00 in the morning, went down to the common room in search of Remus.

"It was horrible," he told the tawny-haired boy in front of the fire. "Weird and disturbing don't even come close to describing it. I'm scarred for life! At the very least I'll have nightmares!"

Remus listened, finding it hard not to laugh. Of course, now that it was over, so was James.

"Forget it," James said, standing and yawning. "I'm going to bed. At least it wasn't Snivillus."

As the screen faded, Harry, Ron, and Hermione glanced at each other in horror.

"If _either_ of you _ever_ try something like that," Harry threatened, as Ron moaned about how he was going to have nightmares now, too. Hermione shushed them both, however, as the next 'episode' started.

Author's Note: As odd as this sounds, this story actually happened to an extent. My brother actually danced around like that one night while I was on the computer, reading Harry Potter fanfiction. I later told my sister about it. Really, I guess I can't claim to much of this chapter, huh?

Ah well. You've read, now review!


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